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Tony Adams
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Wheaton Public Library

The Wheaton Public Library is awesome. It is big enough to have what you want, but not like CPL big, which has what you want, but it is in some branch in Stoney Island or Brattislava. They have this thing called the Rack, which is an expanded Great Books kind of collection, but in paperback! perfect for the commuter who is already carrying too much crap on her train schlep. They also have a pretty extensive DVD collection. There were hundreds of titles available (as opposed to the HWLC, which actually has about half a dozen available at any given time, and they mostly suck).

Great thing #3 is that, like Evanston, they will affix a sticker to one's CPL card and extend all privileges (except use of the internet terminals, but who needs that?).

So with my jewelbox for "Raising Victor Vargas" in hand, I approach the circulation desk to apply for the sticker. I fork over my CPL card to the nice eastern european librarian. She calls the CPL to see if I am worthy.

At this point, I need to interrupt to make sure that you have the accent correct. She might have been of Russian origin, but it is hard to tell. Just think of the voice of Natasha Fatale from the Rocky and Bullwinkle Show. You know how some native eastern european speakers will leave out articles when speaking in english? "Boris! Take squirrel to meat slicer and..."

So after her conversation with the CPL she tells me straight up: "You are delinquent." It was all I could do to not crack up on the spot.

My friend Jamie, a CPL librarian pointed out that the sentence is correct. I know that, but in my mind, I mentally add the articles when I hear that kind of accent. So it sounded to me, or I thought it sounded to me like she was saying that I was *A* delinquent.

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